Jackie Walker

Creating a learning space for me, for you and for them

Black, white, gray #215800

with 8 comments

Darkness/light; dry/wet; here/nowhere; fear/safe – life seems to be taken on such contradictory terms.  Over the last few days I’ve been reading blogs and stories from the 215800 tribe, all of which are so moving.  Moving me, the writer and other readers, from one place to another.  The movement is a journey, a step.  Can we go from here to there, without touching the space in between?  I’m not sure, I think that no matter how short, there’s always an in between, it’s the formless, unnameable place often.

That in between is like the gray between black and white.  Even if we jump from one place to the other, there’s a time lapse which creates in between.  Even though time might be an illusion, we still, as humans, use it.  We can refer to the future and to the past, as easily as we can to the now.

I heard a story about  a man who was going through such awful personal pain that he decided to jump off the Forth Road Bridge.  It made me wonder.  What if he changed his mind, or it was changed for him, in the split second between jumping and landing.  He only shattered his leg so something intervened.  Maybe his unconscious mind turned his body sufficiently to help him land with the least damage.

How often are we put in situations which have absolutely no return.  There are truly very few.  Things will never go back to exactly where they were no matter what.  Even if nothing changes, everything changes every second, doesn’t it?  That’s why I don’t really understand the fear of change on a logical level.  I understand it though on a level of stretch, on a level where I’m pushing myself to go further, to try something I haven’t done before.  And now, on those occasions, I stop and ask myself if it’s right for me to do so.

I can feel disquiet in my heart which is different to the anticipatory nervous kind of feeling I get of the butterflies fluttering in my tummy  if I’m doing something new but right for me.

I answered a question on Facebook today, it asked Who Are You?  There are many responses to that but I let it sit for a minute, and I answered I’m peace.  I’m not sure that peace is exactly the word I was looking for but it’s close.  If I’m being true to myself and exploring new things, as long as I feel peace in my heart, I’ll continue.  If I feel that something isn’t congruent to my peace, I stop.

I promised to stretch myself during this project and today I wrote the first chapter of the short story.  I’ve never written a fictional piece before.  It was interesting to see the story unfold, to be in charge of what happens next, but d’you know I don’t think I was in charge of it at all.  Sure I mapped out the ideas, the characters and some key points, but when I sat down to write, none of what I’d mapped was used.  Out came this very different story all together!

Somewhere in between the kitchen table where I mapped and the desk where I wrote, was a space that changed what was to be.

I’ve surrendered gratefully to let whatever is in the space know better than I what is needed.  If the space is telling my body and that’s what I feel in my heart then I’m doubly grateful that I get a conscious reminder and a bit of a nod and a wink.  My guess is that we all have these we prods, it just takes us some time and awareness to tune into them.

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Written by Jackie Walker

June 17, 2010 at 6:15 pm

Posted in Uncategorized, Writing

8 Responses

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  1. Oh I just love this, Jackie. Sounds like the Goddess of Inbetween has been visiting with you 🙂
    Also, so funny – you answered a question on FB, ‘Who are you?’ I asked and answered the question ‘What am I?’ on my blog as my contribution to 21:5:800!
    Clearly, we’re on the same wave length. But then I think we knew that already!
    Amy
    xx

    amypalko

    June 17, 2010 at 10:53 pm

    • Our conversations often spark thoughts for me Amy, after we speak, I’ll find a word or a feeling which doesn’t let up until I explore it a bit further!

      I’m off to look at your latest … with excited anticipation

      Thank you x

      Jackie Walker

      June 18, 2010 at 8:42 am

  2. I love your writing! Thank you for talking about how everything changes. I was at the beach a couple of weeks ago and it truly felt like the perfect example of things staying the same, and yet being completely different at every moment.

    Also, thank you for talking about greyland. It’s where most of us are most of the time, and yet it gets no coverage.

    Bridget

    June 17, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    • The beach is a great place for in between isn’t it with the waves coming in and out, moving a few grains of sand each and every breath it takes, and yet to the untrained eye, it’s all the same.

      I so appreciate your comment Bridget, thank you. Gray is often tinged with negativity and really it’s in gray that we have strength, support and flexibility. Black and white can be so dangerous – they imply stuckness to me.

      Jackie Walker

      June 18, 2010 at 8:46 am

  3. Hmmm Jackie my dear friend, you put on the air very interesting questions and are there simple replies or right answers, who knows,of course but digging inside oneself could a long path to one´s mind.
    Maybe it is for that reason so fascinating my friend:)

    FinnishWinkler

    June 18, 2010 at 6:59 am

    • Thank you Winkler, if it prompts a willingness to be curious then each person will find their answer – and it will be right for them!

      Jackie Walker

      June 18, 2010 at 9:51 am

  4. Hi Jackie!
    I am learning this lesson,slowly but surely:
    “If I’m being true to myself and exploring new things, as long as I feel peace in my heart, I’ll continue. If I feel that something isn’t congruent to my peace, I stop.” still noticing when I am at peace. Not yet at the place where I can STOP, but I give myself space to NOTICE…thank you for this. Looking forward to the story. Love from Yael a fellow challenger

    Yael Brisker

    June 18, 2010 at 8:56 am

    • Hi Yael, how lovely to have your comment, thank you.

      Space to notice … that’s why I need the prompters of heart and solar plexus to remind me to stop, at times I miss the amber warning light and the feelings are ramped up until they’ve reached a full blown red and the brakes have to screech on! My body is willing to teach me as long as I listen.

      Jackie Walker

      June 18, 2010 at 9:05 am


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