Archive for the ‘Gratitude’ Category
This month’s dreamboard has been made in the shape of the letter S. That’s because I read on Jamie Ridler’s (she who shows us how!) site that this is the Piscean Sturgeon full moon for asking ourselves the question ‘How Can I Shine’? I’ve chosen images which help me recognise and understand what shining means to me.
That’s the wonderful thing about dream boards, they are highly individual and are likely to only have specific meaning to the maker.
My July dream board was R for Receiving – in that time I’ve been so blessed with help, support, encouragement and more from friends, acquaintances, Twitter buddies, FB mates – it truly has been a remarkable month. I can say without doubt that Dreamboards are worth their weight in gold.
I’ve launched a new website now which focuses very clearly on the work I do – if you have a chance take a peek –
There’s a saying which goes ‘be careful what you wish for as you may get it’. It’s true! In Hawaii, the shamanic way of life called Huna has one of my favourite phrases, and I’m sure I’ve quoted it here before –
Where your attention goes, energy flows
That’s why when you keep focussing on what you don’t want, you get it. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. The word ‘not’ is ignored by the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is the driver behind everything that arrives in your life … not your conscious mind, and not always your actions. Although obviously we need to take action it should be towards what we want as opposed to away from what we don’t. There are learning stages, and we soon get used to it, though can be forgetful at times!
I’m just reminding myself at the moment to be open to receiving what I’m looking for. I started a practice at the beginning of the year with Jamie Ridler’s Full Moon Dreamboards after I heard my good friend Amy Palko wax lyrically about them. I find the creative side of them a bit tricky, but today (which is full moon day) I was directed to Mosaic Maker where I downloaded a wonderful tool which helped me through the process. If I’d had more time, I’m sure I could have played with the pictures a bit, cropping and creating on Picnik to make it even more meaningful, but for my first attempt I’m really pleased.
It’s in the shape of an ‘R’ to denote Receiving. I wanted a reminder to myself to open my arms, my heart and keep my focus on what I want from and in life. The images mean things to me, and may not mean the same to you – that’s why images work so well – they bypass the conscious thought and create and store meaning and feeling which helps create what you are looking for.
Although you can’t see them I know for example that these are also in the collage somewhere hidden by some of the other photos –
Look at the way water just falls with no fear, it just keeps flowing. How that great big bear can give such wonderful warm hugs. How those dancers perform with such grace and dedication. The love from the angel is inspiring me to give more. Two big splashes have got to be better than one! A shoe made of money … reminds me of cobblers’ children and I must look after me and mine first. And lastly, who could deny the sunshine the positive glowing golden effects it gives us, nurturing and nourishing our very existence. Butterflies, remind us how transient it all is and why we must make hay while the sun shines 😉
I’m open to receiving what I’ve asked for and am aiming for with open arms, expecting magic sparkles to be created and jump from my own hands! Nunca Mas is Spanish for never again and that’s a sharp stick which I popped in there just in case!!
Without clients my life just isn’t complete. I shine when I see people move on from their fears, their pain, their acceptance of letting go. I feel them changing at the other end of the telephone line. Their voices lower, their shoulders relax.
Sometimes all it takes is one or two words, sometimes it takes longer. More often than not, just being at the end of the phone for encouragement, support and validation of a client’s feelings is the first step to them being able to move on with the rest of their life.
I want to share this email, and I have permission from the writer to do so. I’ve been moved to tears by her words. Please enjoy them and understand my work too.
Last week, a situation between me, and let’s say “significant other” whom I had been involved in a “relationship” of kinds with in my life reached breaking point. Our relationship terminated forever. Neither one of us can go back to where we were.
For three days I had not been able to stem the tears, the hurt and pain weeping out of every pore, the mind going over every conversation, every event, over and over like a mad person just possessed by the pain, reliving every beautiful moment but unable to comprehend why or how it suddenly, and literally overnight, turned into the ugliest and most painful experience.
I don’t reach out on personal matters. Its something my hard exterior will not allow. If I let someone inside the brick wall that surrounds me, they will hurt me…..past experience tells me this…and now I have learnt that when you allow people inside, where you heart is raw and hurting, there is quite simply the capacity for someone to wound it further.
I am an armadillo. What the world sees is the tough shell.
If there was a chance of making the relationship better I would have leapt in a heart beat to it. Like the word fatal after a car crash, this relationship had ended fatally too. In my heart I knew the separation was ultimately the absolute best thing in many many ways, the pain was still crippling. I could not see a way forward, and despite my life being almost hideously fortuitous in every other way, this person absence from my life was soul destroying.
Through these days, one person was popping in and out of my conscious mind. My twitter contact Jackie Walker. Her location “at the end of the phone” was propelling me to call her. I was not sure why.
The universe I guess was at play. We meet people after all, for a reason, season or lifetime…..and there is no such thing as a chance meeting.
From the moment the phone rang, and I started to talk, the tears started to spill, I was almost hyperventilating as I cried, unable to breathe, the hurt inside as I spoke, tearing me apart and just hearing someone’s calm and rational voice, that cared, someone who just let me talk, who understood the pain, who asked the right questions, who gently probed was enough….….until an hour and a half later not only could I actually breathe again but the heavy black cloud that has engulfed me for the past 72 hours had started to part allowing rays of sunshine to pour into my heart and start to just melt the ice that had surrounded my insides and stopped my lungs from functioning. As Jackie probed and questioned the answers that I was searching for, that perhaps I knew already deep inside, started to talk to my logical brain. As I rubbished the way I felt, embarrassed to say the words “I loved this person, I care, and I feel hurt and angry” Jackie gave me utter permission to not only feel this way, but to almost celebrate allowing the emotion to come out.
It was an exhausting call, I had totally purged my emotion in a way that society tells me is simply not appropriate to do. My instant trust in jackie reassured me it was OK. Jackie left me with some amazing meditations to cut the emotional ties that were holding me down and to just cut myself and focus on all the wonderful things that remain in my life, which are actually the most wondrous and precious things of all.
The next few hours and days became easier to cope with the feelings, and several days later I can now reflect on this call.
Jackie is a mediator. Her passion and dedication is to mediate Ugly situations. I could not ask for mediation as my situation was long past that but, I know with Jackie’s help, my situation would not have ended the way it had if we had tried to resolve it with her help. I’ve never really understood the role of a mediator to facilitate improving a relationship, but I realize now, with no uncertainty at all, that someone with the gifts that Jackie has, can truly truly help.
I didn’t really know Jackie until that call. However the person at “the end of the phone” allowed me to share how I feel, she gently guided me through all the hurt probing me for answers and solutions and ways forward….and it was so natural it was like talking to my best friend, it wasn’t embarrassing or awkward and in such a relatively short time I could see the answers and solutions needed to actually move forward. My life had literally been suspended in mid air for 3 days, I would still be there now if it was not for the support from Jackie.
I absolutely would not hesitate in recommending Jackie to help others, especially people struggling within a relationship and preferably before its too late. I think perhaps we all hold onto so much pain inside, that if left trapped not only does in not allow you to move forward but the ugliness of the situation will always stay within you locked in the “here and now”. Jackie is someone you can open up to who will guide you through and out the other side.
I had a conversation which would have been impossible only a week ago. I felt calm, centred and grounded. I came from a place of willingness. At the other end of the phone, there was a tight voice, and as the conversation developed, it relaxed, became gentler, and the words flowed. There was space, on the line, for creating peace.
Hitting The Spot
I got to wondering about the times in our lives when nothing hits the spot. D’you find that you become disenchanted and bored with the contents of your fridge. The food you’ve been eating which once fulfilled you, is now boring. You yearn for something else, something to get your teeth into, to excite the taste buds and maybe even test your culinary skills.
I wondered then if perhaps we get bored with some of the interactions we’ve had with others and whether that affects us similarly. I know that this particular relationship is one which is too often trying, it’s monotonous in its predictability. It was time for something new. It just took a new recipe, and maybe a new shopping list of skills.
Peace … Again
Whatever it took, I’m going with the ease of today, and not resting on my laurels that it will continue unaided, it needs to be tended and nurtured. There’s much pain to undo, there’s a whole new relationship to be built, it might or might not be possible. My dearest hope and wish is that it doesn’t go back to the monotony of bitterness. If it were all up to me, I could guarantee it.
This is the challenge I have. If I’ve learned my lesson, the previous troubles should now fall away. What if the other person has lessons to learn which makes it continue? Or is it really going to be true that it won’t bother me anymore, it will be water off a duck’s back and that alone is what will create the peace? Ah, yes I think that’s it.
It’s hit the spot between the eyes, the third eye! I see it all clearly now.
Wow, this is even better than I thought at the beginning of the post and it’s nowhere near 800 words, but I’m done for today – my creation was in my conversation, live outloud writing!