Jackie Walker

Creating a learning space for me, for you and for them

Posts Tagged ‘guilt

History or His Story?

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painful memories

If you think that history makes you what you are then you might be in for a shock – it certainly brings you to where you are, but it sure as hell doesn’t define you going forward.

Take the break up of the word and make it ‘his story’ and you will quickly recognise that whether you be male or female the ‘his’ is purely a generic term for mankind.

A dear friend of mine, Wendy Salter, has written a wonderful book called Herstoria – you can follow Wendy’s blog from the blogroll.

Relying on past experiences to provide us with a template for the future is all well and good if the experiences have served us well.  If on the other hand they were necessary for our growth and learning, let’s just take those salient points and leave the story behind.  To do that we have to be grateful and forgiving …. mainly of ourselves and then other people.   Holding onto history to taint our lives with pain, fear, guilt and sorrow does not give us the ease and capacity which is our right by birth.

But holy cow it just isn’t so easy is it?  I know I’ve spent years getting rid of many a story and rightly so as it really was just keeping me in a place where I could abdicate responsibility and pretend that it wasn’t my fault.  Well the fact is that we’re not to blame for things, it’s just that you do have to take responsibility.  There’s a fine line in there I thought, and I’ve remained curious about fault and not to blame – until suddenly the penny dropped.

forgivenessJust get up, accept what is and get on with it.

Stop wearing the problem, stop talking about, stop feeding the negativity.

Realise that it’s not all about you but the only way you can make a difference is to make it all about you – your responsibility to make a change to your attitude, to what you can do about it .

Start to recognise that you are not to blame and forgive yourself for giving yourself such a hard time.  Stop blaming others – and recognise they were doing the best they could – even if it seems a bit odd.

We make mistakes only so’s to learn better how not to do it next time.  And that doesn’t mean that you stop trying, it means putting in place better strategies.  It doesn’t mean erecting barriers against what you perceive as injustice – it wasn’t an injustice, you had to learn how to grow up and be better than you were.

You’ve never been perfect, it’s unlikely you ever will be, but you can be better than you were – how’s about it?  Are you ready to give it your best shot … even if it’s for the 28th time?


Written by Jackie Walker

July 13, 2009 at 8:02 am