Posts Tagged ‘learning’
There’s a saying which goes ‘be careful what you wish for as you may get it’. It’s true! In Hawaii, the shamanic way of life called Huna has one of my favourite phrases, and I’m sure I’ve quoted it here before –
Where your attention goes, energy flows
That’s why when you keep focussing on what you don’t want, you get it. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. The word ‘not’ is ignored by the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is the driver behind everything that arrives in your life … not your conscious mind, and not always your actions. Although obviously we need to take action it should be towards what we want as opposed to away from what we don’t. There are learning stages, and we soon get used to it, though can be forgetful at times!
I’m just reminding myself at the moment to be open to receiving what I’m looking for. I started a practice at the beginning of the year with Jamie Ridler’s Full Moon Dreamboards after I heard my good friend Amy Palko wax lyrically about them. I find the creative side of them a bit tricky, but today (which is full moon day) I was directed to Mosaic Maker where I downloaded a wonderful tool which helped me through the process. If I’d had more time, I’m sure I could have played with the pictures a bit, cropping and creating on Picnik to make it even more meaningful, but for my first attempt I’m really pleased.
It’s in the shape of an ‘R’ to denote Receiving. I wanted a reminder to myself to open my arms, my heart and keep my focus on what I want from and in life. The images mean things to me, and may not mean the same to you – that’s why images work so well – they bypass the conscious thought and create and store meaning and feeling which helps create what you are looking for.
Although you can’t see them I know for example that these are also in the collage somewhere hidden by some of the other photos –
Look at the way water just falls with no fear, it just keeps flowing. How that great big bear can give such wonderful warm hugs. How those dancers perform with such grace and dedication. The love from the angel is inspiring me to give more. Two big splashes have got to be better than one! A shoe made of money … reminds me of cobblers’ children and I must look after me and mine first. And lastly, who could deny the sunshine the positive glowing golden effects it gives us, nurturing and nourishing our very existence. Butterflies, remind us how transient it all is and why we must make hay while the sun shines 😉
I’m open to receiving what I’ve asked for and am aiming for with open arms, expecting magic sparkles to be created and jump from my own hands! Nunca Mas is Spanish for never again and that’s a sharp stick which I popped in there just in case!!
I loved Status Quo but I don’t think I very often thought about the words I was singing along to. Often we don’t, especially if it’s an upbeat tune … we’re more likely to listen and remember words to love songs, or sad songs as we’re drawn to them to help find meaning in our own worlds. When we’re happy and upbeat we tend not to look inside, or even outside, for meaning but just accept the feelings of fun, peace, happiness – however you like to feel.
This last week, at the start of the 215800 challenge, I began to have old issues come up to the surface – was this the yoga, the meditation or was it just a repeat pattern? A seven year old pattern I thought I’d dealt with and put to bed to be precise. Or was this the time to go even deeper?
None of the changes and doors which I’ve shut this year have been about my family life. To date they’ve addressed – career, self belief, finances, training, knowledge, health, friends and trust – all needing a depth charger. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised that family would be added into the mix at some point.
After 4 days of handling the first issue, insult was added to injury – or perhaps more likely, because I didn’t handle the first blip well, I was given an even bigger issue on top of the first in the same context. It was only when this happened that I began to realise that it wasn’t a repeat pattern, it was a depth charged door shutting exercise.
How did it go so wrong? After all, I’m an experienced and able therapist and tend to my own needs on a very regular basis. I’m also a human being with human failings, human needs and human learnings. I say this often in my blogs. Anyone who believes they are above and beyond the realms of being tested or willing to work on themselves and able to go deeper will stop evolving and learning.
I found myself angry, very angry. I thought I was being dis-respected, controlled, belittled, judged and excluded. That’s quite a list! I was in conflict with myself too. I knew I knew better than to react and after doing some work around this, found that I was responding calmly and rationally. I was actually very proud of how I was handling the situation.
That was until the second one came along and really took the wind out of my sails! Ok, I thought, this is now a bit bigger and requires a different approach. I reached out to a friend for some help and asked what I was missing. I knew it was me that needed to change my approach, but what I couldn’t see was the lesson and without the lesson, I couldn’t change. Is that just me, or do others find that the lesson has to be learned first?
I started to ask myself ‘What’s the worst that could happen’? and then ‘What’s the best that could happen’? When you truly can’t answer the first question, you know you’ve got the result you need, or you haven’t really got a problem!
I began with, ‘I’ll be treated like this for the rest of my life, or at least for the next 4 years’. When I realised we’d already made it through 7 years, 4 years was quite easy!
I then asked if that was actually true. Had it been 7 years of this, or just specific times in the 7 years? Was it really so awful? Was I making some of it up? Was I perpetuating my myth?
That meant I could then start to concentrate on how I could make a difference to helping the best to come to fruition.
Did it really matter what I thought about this person’s attitude? Could I create more flexibility? Could I look at this as their reaction to something and not take it personally? How could I disengage and let go while continuing to care and be available? How easy would it be for me to feel at peace and for what reason was I not letting it happen?
I made the choice to disengage and be at peace within myself. To test I’d made the right choice, I was presented with a phone call yesterday with a friend who isn’t into self development and there’s always a good chance that my way is not his!
It sure wasn’t and as I found myself listening to his solutions to my problem – fight fight fight. I could feel myself shaking my head, my stomach was giving little cramping signs, and I was silently saying ‘No, no. That doesn’t fit with me and my way’. After then being criticised for being a therapist and not handling my problems, I knew for sure that the chosen solution for my peace was absolutely the right one. I smiled and said thank you. I reminded myself that as a mediator I had just been given yet another wonderful lesson to use and practice.
All conflict is internal. Whether we are facing world, community, work, school, or relationship conflict – we must first look at the conflict we have within. When we are able to find what we really want instead of conflict, we are then able to work towards that.
I’m blessed to be able to mediate with my own inner conflicts, this one took very little time once I realised what I was dealing with. Bang, another door is shut!
Obviously I won’t be doing them simultaneously, or will I? My guess is that it’s quite likely … although not physically writing you understand, more like allowing the ideas and content to flow in.
Today my great friend Amy Palko highlighted a new writing project to get involved in. It’s being organised by a lady called Bindu Wiles who seems to have had one of those extraordinary lives, challenging might be an understatement, and she’s found her way through. This project has a twist, and I love twists!
For 21 days, we’ll be doing 5 days of yoga a week and 800 words of writing per day.
This has come at just the right time because at the weekend I didn’t do any exercise. Hence this is Days 3-5 all wrapped up in one blog!! Against my better judgement, God gave me rain, and more rain and yet more rain. My intended bike ride in the Borders was a wash out and so I let go of the notion and decided that the weekend could be rest days, unless it was sunny and I wanted to get out.
It’s a strange thing isn’t it when you commit to something and you start making excuses like – it rained, this is meant to be pleasure, I need a break occasionally. I pondered those and wondered if I was repeating an old pattern. But … what I learned was that I’d let go of the need to wear a hair shirt, to beat myself up for not doing something and I knew that I’d be back to the gym. And as if by magic, here now is a chance to add even more variety to the act of getting fit – and it keeps me attending my blog at the same time …. what a stroke of brilliant luck!
This afternoon, I’ve been back and done my full workout. It was a bit of a techno challenge on some of those machines knowing which handle to pull and where to put it. I worked out that if it felt awkward it was in the wrong place. The only time that wasn’t the case was for the ‘Abductor’ …. I tell you, it’s nearly as evil as it’s name suggests and exercises those bits that Heineken can’t reach on your inner thighs.
For the days when folk are feeling a bit burned out, or in my case, done enough exercise for one day, Bindu kindly includes something called Savasana (the corpse pose)! This is a resting posture done at the end of yoga practice in a prone position on the floor for 20-40 minutes listening to relaxing music. That sounds just perfect for days like today when a bit of peace and stillness is needed instead of more stretching and exercising.
For the writing part of the project, in addition to keeping these blogs going, I’m using this as the perfect opportunity to enter the Guildford Book Festival Short Story Competition which is being sponsored by the lovely Tom Evans, The Bookwright. This short story is just about ready to burst forth into reality and when it’s complete, it’ll be available from our site Ugli Mediation – there are a few twists and turns in it which make Ugli the ideal platform for it given that the work we do involves transforming ugly situations.
Have you ever noticed that things which for others are apparently innocuous can be huge for you?
This week I’ve been persuaded to join a gym. There’s a lot written about people who join gyms and then stop after the first burst of enthusiasm – a bit like folk who take up tennis when Wimbledon’s on, or folk who make New Year’s resolutions which last all of a week or for some maybe a month.
I tend not to do things which I’m not committed to, so it was a great surprise to me yesterday when I found that I’d actually agreed to join the gym.
Bizarrely, I like being fit and I like to do a lot of walking. The thought of displaying myself and my ineptitude in front of other people is something I balk at. The really uncomfortable bit for me though is being seen in tight clothing. I’ve got my baggy t-shirts looked out to avoid such an eventuality. The swimming pool might have to wait a bit longer until I’ve summonsed up the courage to step out with my head held high.
All of this stems from being a very overweight (13 stone) and unfit teenager with a pair of boobs which were oggled at thanks to the fact that I could put Dolly Parton to shame. Surgery at the age of 18 put paid to the physical aspect of the horror as my mountains were made into molehills, however it’s amazing how long the emotional and mental trauma can last. Given what I do, I’ve worked on most of these issues in the past and as I’ve said before … we have to clear things at all levels – spiritual, mental, emotional and physical before we are truly free of whatever was holding us back.
I’m well aware that 2010 is my year of clearing the physical and joining the gym is one huge leap towards owning my body and being happy with myself in it.
Something which crops up a lot is other folk’s attitudes – because of the work I do and the size I am – a petite 6-8, people automatically assume that I should be comfy in my own skin. There are raised eyebrows, sharp intakes of breath and almost a ‘how dare you attitude’, particularly from women.
So tomorrow lunchtime will see me at the gym for an induction session. I’ve asked for help from my good mate Garth Delikan, The Lifestyle Guy to give me a programme which won’t kill me in the first week. My friend and business partner will be encouraging me, and as she has a weight/fitness goal to achieve in a short timescale, we’ll be comparing notes.
As always, you only get out what you put in – what I want to achieve by joining the gym is the pleasure of feeling fit, the joy of being more in touch with my body, the sense of achievement which I know will come quickly and overall, the fact that at 50 I’m closing more doors in one year than I’ve ever done in my life by addressing my comfort zones.
I’m wondering if you too are sitting there wondering where to even start being able to define yourself? I heard a question on Twitter the other day which asked what, how and who are you. As I began to imagine my answer, I saw things which were quite a surprise.
Have you ever had the need to define yourself in that way? It’s a surprise also to ask the question for what reason are you as you’ve described? This one might bring up a whole load of reasons for being the person you are and not the person you want to be or thought you were.
The other thing we can pay attention to, if you’re so inclined, is awareness that we can choose at any given time to change our identity. Sometimes that comes as a shock. Sometimes our identity feels like it’s the only thing we can hang onto in a world of constant change. The answer of course boils down to whether you’re happy with what you’ve created. After all, you are the only person who thinks your thoughts, does what you do and feels the way you feel, so the responsibility is yours.
I’ve been going through a period of redefinition … again!! My old website The Divorce Coach disappeared from the web at the beginning of January. I hadn’t noticed as I was otherwise engaged on a very intensive training course in France. When it was drawn to my attention yesterday, I took a step back and wondered whether or not to reinstate the site or whether it was a good time to let it go and allow me to redefine the work I do without a divorce label.
Other labels we often wear are ones like Mum, Dad, mother, daughter, father, son, etc etc and those are in addition to the label for the job we do. Recently I’ve noticed how many people are not able to define what they do so easily as they may well be involved in various business ventures, each requiring different skill sets and abilities.
I wonder too if this is the time to being willing to question more? The Divining Femininity website and workshops are exploring what it is to be female. It’s a different meaning for each of us and even just within the 4 group co-ordinators we are finding very different understandings.
Maybe I’m alone but for me 2010 is about re-defining me, my life and what I’m about. This takes divining – a deeper exploration, an asking and an open-ness to receive insights I don’t know yet, the willingness to step into the dark unknown.
I wonder how often I’ve shut love off thinking it was something else.
It came as a huge shock that my love was hammering at my chest and I was calling it pride.
Pride can be an ego based emotion which I wasn’t sure about. Love however knows no such delusion.
What if when people say things like ‘I’m not proud of what I’ve done’ they mean I’m not in love with what I’ve done.
What if it’s ok to have pride in what we do, what we achieve and pride in our families. Is that not love.
That’s it no more hiding pride for me – it’s pure love and gratitude.
My thanks go to Joanna Young for her post on JJL about How do you Write to Learn. I’ve been thinking for a while that I have abandoned my learning writing. Much of this has been to do with being too busy with day life to find time to write meaningfully and increase my learning by doing so.
This blog is my learning place and my other blog at The Divorce Coach is more of my teaching place. In order to learn more, I feel I need to take time and give it due consideration. Today I realised that I was making excuses. I also realised that although I have dedicated to explore the tarot on this blog, it doesn’t mean that’s all I have to write about.
Just by being willing to write this down it has opened up a new bandwidth for my communication both with myself and others. It’s interesting to me to realise that as I stop myself with self imposed restrictions so must others and perhaps my being willing to own this will generate some new spark for someone else.
Writing is an extraordinary tool – it brings thoughts and feelings into the physical world – without doing so they rumble around and remain unaccountable. It’s the difference between dreaming of dinner and making it – if you don’t make it you will go hungry. Equally when we write we allow the creation of what we have dreamt.
We have four bodies – spiritual, mental, emotional and physical – only when something has passed through each of them and gone back up again will it become a reality. Our inspiration, turns into thoughts, which we then feel and only then do we bring into physical form. When it’s in the physical plane, it then goes back up through the emotional and mental planes and back out into the universe.
So by writing something down it’s like doing a shopping list for the Universe! Especially when it is created with strong positive emotions like joy, passion, love, anticipation, excitement etc.
Each of us has knowledge, inspiration and creation at our finger tips which we fail to access or pay attention to. It seems such a waste to let it all disapper into the ether unused. I wonder if writing like many other forms of creative work is a scary prospect to many because they are afraid of ridicule – it’s sometimes easier to have the dream and keep it yourself.
I know that before I started any self development work I used to have wonderfully creative ideas for businesses and would get very enthused about them and draw up ideas which I thought I was keeping to myself. Of course the passion and energy I put into my scribbles on paper meant that they were real and time after time I found someone not far from me then started the very business I had been conceiving. I had put it out into the universe and it materialised – not for me as I didn’t take the steps to see it through.
As our energy flows where our attention goes, and we become more and more aware that creating is something easy to do, remember that if you’ve got a very strong and positive feeling and feel inspired to do something,you’d best get on and do it or else someone else will beat you to it!!