Posts Tagged ‘self development’
Obviously I won’t be doing them simultaneously, or will I? My guess is that it’s quite likely … although not physically writing you understand, more like allowing the ideas and content to flow in.
Today my great friend Amy Palko highlighted a new writing project to get involved in. It’s being organised by a lady called Bindu Wiles who seems to have had one of those extraordinary lives, challenging might be an understatement, and she’s found her way through. This project has a twist, and I love twists!
For 21 days, we’ll be doing 5 days of yoga a week and 800 words of writing per day.
This has come at just the right time because at the weekend I didn’t do any exercise. Hence this is Days 3-5 all wrapped up in one blog!! Against my better judgement, God gave me rain, and more rain and yet more rain. My intended bike ride in the Borders was a wash out and so I let go of the notion and decided that the weekend could be rest days, unless it was sunny and I wanted to get out.
It’s a strange thing isn’t it when you commit to something and you start making excuses like – it rained, this is meant to be pleasure, I need a break occasionally. I pondered those and wondered if I was repeating an old pattern. But … what I learned was that I’d let go of the need to wear a hair shirt, to beat myself up for not doing something and I knew that I’d be back to the gym. And as if by magic, here now is a chance to add even more variety to the act of getting fit – and it keeps me attending my blog at the same time …. what a stroke of brilliant luck!
This afternoon, I’ve been back and done my full workout. It was a bit of a techno challenge on some of those machines knowing which handle to pull and where to put it. I worked out that if it felt awkward it was in the wrong place. The only time that wasn’t the case was for the ‘Abductor’ …. I tell you, it’s nearly as evil as it’s name suggests and exercises those bits that Heineken can’t reach on your inner thighs.
For the days when folk are feeling a bit burned out, or in my case, done enough exercise for one day, Bindu kindly includes something called Savasana (the corpse pose)! This is a resting posture done at the end of yoga practice in a prone position on the floor for 20-40 minutes listening to relaxing music. That sounds just perfect for days like today when a bit of peace and stillness is needed instead of more stretching and exercising.
For the writing part of the project, in addition to keeping these blogs going, I’m using this as the perfect opportunity to enter the Guildford Book Festival Short Story Competition which is being sponsored by the lovely Tom Evans, The Bookwright. This short story is just about ready to burst forth into reality and when it’s complete, it’ll be available from our site Ugli Mediation – there are a few twists and turns in it which make Ugli the ideal platform for it given that the work we do involves transforming ugly situations.
My thanks go to Joanna Young for her post on JJL about How do you Write to Learn. I’ve been thinking for a while that I have abandoned my learning writing. Much of this has been to do with being too busy with day life to find time to write meaningfully and increase my learning by doing so.
This blog is my learning place and my other blog at The Divorce Coach is more of my teaching place. In order to learn more, I feel I need to take time and give it due consideration. Today I realised that I was making excuses. I also realised that although I have dedicated to explore the tarot on this blog, it doesn’t mean that’s all I have to write about.
Just by being willing to write this down it has opened up a new bandwidth for my communication both with myself and others. It’s interesting to me to realise that as I stop myself with self imposed restrictions so must others and perhaps my being willing to own this will generate some new spark for someone else.
Writing is an extraordinary tool – it brings thoughts and feelings into the physical world – without doing so they rumble around and remain unaccountable. It’s the difference between dreaming of dinner and making it – if you don’t make it you will go hungry. Equally when we write we allow the creation of what we have dreamt.
We have four bodies – spiritual, mental, emotional and physical – only when something has passed through each of them and gone back up again will it become a reality. Our inspiration, turns into thoughts, which we then feel and only then do we bring into physical form. When it’s in the physical plane, it then goes back up through the emotional and mental planes and back out into the universe.
So by writing something down it’s like doing a shopping list for the Universe! Especially when it is created with strong positive emotions like joy, passion, love, anticipation, excitement etc.
Each of us has knowledge, inspiration and creation at our finger tips which we fail to access or pay attention to. It seems such a waste to let it all disapper into the ether unused. I wonder if writing like many other forms of creative work is a scary prospect to many because they are afraid of ridicule – it’s sometimes easier to have the dream and keep it yourself.
I know that before I started any self development work I used to have wonderfully creative ideas for businesses and would get very enthused about them and draw up ideas which I thought I was keeping to myself. Of course the passion and energy I put into my scribbles on paper meant that they were real and time after time I found someone not far from me then started the very business I had been conceiving. I had put it out into the universe and it materialised – not for me as I didn’t take the steps to see it through.
As our energy flows where our attention goes, and we become more and more aware that creating is something easy to do, remember that if you’ve got a very strong and positive feeling and feel inspired to do something,you’d best get on and do it or else someone else will beat you to it!!
The Magician is the card we turn to next. It’s been bothering me that I haven’t written for a couple of weeks and today as I wait for one daughter to wake up and the other to come home from a sleep over, I decided it was time to resume my journey.
Imagine my surprise when delving into various books to get some understanding of The Magician, I suddenly realised the reason for the delay in proceeding! As sure as eggs is eggs, I wasn’t meant to write anything until now …. now that I have even more understanding of what’s happening around me.
The Magician card as you can see illustrated here has each of the minor arcana suites at his disposal, he can create what he will. He is standing in a fruitful picture of gold and flowers – bountiful. This is a time for those who are about to be rewarded for the expertise and effort they have put into specialised training. Never could this be more true for me. For 6 years I have been working to get to where I am, practising, honing my skills, learning new ones and all the time knowing that the day would come when I could trust that the work I do is not by me alone! By that I mean to fully accept that when I am in my flow of working with clients I am merely the conduit through which their change can happen.
It’s like magic! The Magician calls upon all sorts of skills – learning, adaptability, communication, observation, callibration, self confidence and willingness to take action towards an outcome.
As you know from my first writing of The Fool I received some awesome news that day and the opportunity is getting bigger and bigger day by day. This weekend I was told of an even bigger leap for this project which will be announced tomorrow. The guys behind it are true Magicians with a vision and belief which will improve the lives of so many – take a look at Talking2Minds to see what I mean. The charity has been set up to eradicate the symptoms of PTSD for service personnnel and their families.
In addition to that, I’ve been working with Tom Evans, The Bookwright and have now got two books in the pipeline, one is a self help book and the other a spiritual book – both addressing relationships and taken from different starting points.
The Magician is providing me with the ability to teach what I have learned, and encouraging me to learn more – both of which I do gladly. If I stop learning and adding to my skill set, I feel as though I’m drying up, I feel as I’m not feeding an essential part of me. If I don’t teach what I already know then my knowledge and expertise is wasted, it’s almost as if the universe is saying what’s the point in giving you more when you aren’t sharing what you already have. It’s time for me therefore to step up and be more accessible to a wider audience.
This story says it all, you get the results you focus on … enjoy …
“The Wolves Within”
An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, “Let me tell you a story.
I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.
But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times.” He continued, “It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.
But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger,for his anger will change nothing.
Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit.”
The boy looked intently into his Grandfather’s eyes and asked, “Which one wins, Grandfather?”
The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, “The one I feed.”
There are only three kinds of business – my business, your business and God’s business. Make sure to keep your nose in the right one.
How often do you go worrying about someone else’s issues when you would be better spending your time dealing with your own? How often do you march in with an answer for someone’s problems and while they might listen and nod and appear to take it in, they then reject it out of hand and do the complete opposite? Does that get frustrating for you?
The thing is we all must tread our own path through life and even though the ability to learn from others is within us all, until the person is ready to change tack and stop doing what it is that creates their issue or start doing something which will improve their lot, then there’s not a lot anyone can do to create that change. It is entirely the responsibility of the individual.
Ipso facto is there any point in you expending energy on someone else?
Many clients I have seen have struggled with this – they care about something, someone and until they grasp the fine line between controlling and offering suggestion – they don’t get it.
The easiest way to understand it is to realise that it is not your responsibility, the outcome is theirs. Yes, there may be consequences which as an observer are pretty obvious and which you might share in order to give perspective to the issue, but the result is in the hands of the person whose business it is.
Retaining your interest and releasing the attachment to the outcome is all you can do. Even if the consequence could mean death.
Could you start to create an environment where you are known for your willingness to give counsel, to offer perspective, to listen and to question, where you are approachable and supportive of the person and yet unattached to their results? Would you be willing to let people make their own decisions?
What is it that drives us to explain ourselves to other people all the time? The minute you stop explaining you can get on with doing and being what it is that you choose.
By all means elicit opinions and ideas, brainstorm and get feedback, but stop explaining yourself. If someone asks you the reason you are doing something, find out what the information is going to give them – that throws the ball back in their court. You can then choose to respond or not. Most likely you will by this time have ascertained what the underlying reason for the question was and not what you presumed it might be!
Are you explaining yourself because you felt guilty that you didn’t do it sufficiently well? Is it because someone might disapprove? Is it to make an excuse?
Before you make a decision think what the consequences could be. Weigh it up and then choose and own what you’ve chosen.
I’ve got a very close friend who I used to go shopping with. In the changing rooms as we tried on all sorts of different items of clothing, she’d be saying things like
- ‘Oh that’s perfect, it’ll go with your (and name half a dozen items in my wardrobe)’
- ‘You can wear that at the dinner party, the office, and even to walk the dog (she did have a vivid imagination!)’
- That colour goes with red, orange, yellow, purple, green, blue, tangerine, white, black and navy – it’s a must! (Colour blind too)
Justification was not what I needed or wanted, if I was going to buy something then I would buy it without having to have a string of reasons excuses to do so.
- Oh I only had a salad at lunch
- I’ll skip lunch all next week
- I’ve been good all week
For heaven’s sake, either eat it or don’t … you’re the only one who can hold yourself accountable to a decision you’ve made.
When you let go of the need to explain you will find that your head stops being filled with all those noisy voices shouting ‘what if” at you. The peace is measurable – give it a go today and tomorrow and then let me know how you got on!
If you think that history makes you what you are then you might be in for a shock – it certainly brings you to where you are, but it sure as hell doesn’t define you going forward.
Take the break up of the word and make it ‘his story’ and you will quickly recognise that whether you be male or female the ‘his’ is purely a generic term for mankind.
A dear friend of mine, Wendy Salter, has written a wonderful book called Herstoria – you can follow Wendy’s blog from the blogroll.
Relying on past experiences to provide us with a template for the future is all well and good if the experiences have served us well. If on the other hand they were necessary for our growth and learning, let’s just take those salient points and leave the story behind. To do that we have to be grateful and forgiving …. mainly of ourselves and then other people. Holding onto history to taint our lives with pain, fear, guilt and sorrow does not give us the ease and capacity which is our right by birth.
But holy cow it just isn’t so easy is it? I know I’ve spent years getting rid of many a story and rightly so as it really was just keeping me in a place where I could abdicate responsibility and pretend that it wasn’t my fault. Well the fact is that we’re not to blame for things, it’s just that you do have to take responsibility. There’s a fine line in there I thought, and I’ve remained curious about fault and not to blame – until suddenly the penny dropped.
Stop wearing the problem, stop talking about, stop feeding the negativity.
Realise that it’s not all about you but the only way you can make a difference is to make it all about you – your responsibility to make a change to your attitude, to what you can do about it .
Start to recognise that you are not to blame and forgive yourself for giving yourself such a hard time. Stop blaming others – and recognise they were doing the best they could – even if it seems a bit odd.
We make mistakes only so’s to learn better how not to do it next time. And that doesn’t mean that you stop trying, it means putting in place better strategies. It doesn’t mean erecting barriers against what you perceive as injustice – it wasn’t an injustice, you had to learn how to grow up and be better than you were.
You’ve never been perfect, it’s unlikely you ever will be, but you can be better than you were – how’s about it? Are you ready to give it your best shot … even if it’s for the 28th time?